REVIEW : Beat Stickman: Beyond (XBOX Series X)
The one aspect of the indie gaming scene that I adore. There are many aspects about it that I adore. But one of my favourite things is when a completely unknown game appears and makes me say, ‘I want to play it.’ There is no hype, no expectation, just a title that appears to be fascinating and playable. Beat Stickman: Beyond is the latest game from Mini Fun Games, but is it one of those games?
Beyond is simply about you beating up a stickman, that’s all. But before you can do that, the game forces you to participate in a phoney installation process that resembles one of those idle Tappy games seen on mobile phones. This was completely unnecessary and just plain unpleasant. Continue to tap the X button hundreds of times. Use the D-pad to enhance your tap, for example. Hundreds of times more, press the X button. To upgrade, use the D-pad. Upgrade, upgrade, upgrade, upgrade…
A horrible waste of time that took far too long and put me in a poor attitude before the game even began. I’m not sure what the objective was, other than to waste my time, irritate me, and make me tap the X button hundreds and hundreds of times for no reason.
The game then walks you through a tutorial covering the fundamental controls. Move the mouse around the screen with the left stick and fire with the X button… which is probably broken now after the nonsense fake installation. All you have to do is keep pressing X to keep the game aiming at your target. There are no impediments or dangers to avoid, so you don’t even need to move around the screen. You can remain seated and simply press X. The tutorial, like the fake installation, goes for much too long to teach you to press X a lot… and improve your weaponry. That’s the entire game; you press X thousands of times and gradually upgrade weaponry and gain cosmetic items. Repeat as necessary.
You don’t require any special abilities, reflexes, or gaming expertise or experience… just press X. I adore the indie gaming community and believe that more people should support indie developers. But this isn’t a game that should be sponsored; in fact, I’m not even convinced it’s a game. You simply press X. I had to stop ‘playing’ this after 4 hours because I was afraid it would break the X button on my Xbox controller. I’m not making this up. I decided to investigate up how long an Xbox Series X controller lasts, which turns out to be roughly 10 years or 3 million button presses. I guess ‘playing’ this game cut the life of my pad by around 4 years.
You know those idle/grinding games you can purchase on mobile devices, where you just pick a few improvements and then exit the game, and your money/points accumulate for you to use on other upgrades? Those games you never play? That is exactly what this is. When you purchase one of the various auto weapons, you can simply set down the controller or turn off your console and let the game ‘play’ itself, earning money for future upgrades. You don’t even need to press X after a while, or have the game turned on at all. All the game had to offer was pressing X, and now it doesn’t even have that.
Beat Stickman: Beyond is a tappy-tap mobile game that you can get for free on an app store, play for 5 minutes while on the toilet, and then delete. However, this one is available as a PC and console game. It’s a free-to-play, tappy-tap mobile game available on the app store. An older version, but fundamentally the same game, from the same developers.
I recently played a very early test for a driving game from an indie developer that offers more gameplay than this, and it was merely a very poor prototype. Beat Stickman: Beyond feels like it was released as a meta-joke about the games business that I’m not getting. The strangest thing is that Beat Stickman: Beyond has an excellent story. Yes, this game with no discernable gameplay has a story. Only there is a minor concern that I cannot disclose. The developer requested that no plot spoilers be included in the review, and I always follow review regulations. So yeah, I can’t even tell you about the best part of the game.
This can fuck off with a price tag of almost £8 on the Xbox. I reviewed Ravenous Devils, an indie game, a few months ago. A horror-themed cooking/business sim for a little more than £4. Beat Stickman: Beyond costs half the price and has much, far more gameplay (and a free update to add even more gameplay coming very soon in August). Here’s a quote from the developers’ description of Beat Stickman: Beyond:
I’d like to emphasise a handful of points. To begin, there is no ‘crazy ride,’ you simply push X. Second, the blurb claims “weapons that automatically beat the Stickman for you.” Yes, automatically; you don’t even have to touch the X button after a while. The game’s developers should rename it “Just Spam X A Fuck-ton Of Times And Possibly Break Your Controller Through Wear And Tear, For A Bit.” I can’t review a game that has no gameplay to review (other than pressing X) and the one thing worth mentioning (the narrative) has been requested that I not discuss.
REVIEW : AOMEI Backupper Professional (PC)
