Sasquatch to begin protecting players, staff from incorrect snacking effective immediately
Envy Gaming is pleased to announce the promotion of Jack Link’s Sasquatch, or “Sas” to his friends, to the position of Snack Coach. The move follows a streak of workplace incidents involving players and staff being caught snacking on unapproved products. Sasquatch will assume total control of all workplace snacking decisions moving forward.
“Our teams have been performing well lately, and Sasquatch has decreed that the only obstacle between us and a year of World Championship sweeps is that we keep eating the wrong snacks,” said Ian Huston, Director of Player Management at Envy Gaming. “He’s really passionate about making sure we’re all eating right, and he’s not afraid to get in your face about it. He was also causing a lot of damage and generally unproductive in his previous roles as a handyman and Envy intern, so I think this will be a better fit.”
While the many benefits of a diet consisting entirely of beef jerky are widely known and common sense, Sasquatch’s management philosophy places an emphasis on going beyond players’ physical health and supporting the organization holistically. For more details, see a video released detailing the new role by Envy HERE.
Players have been adjusting well to the change in management and are expected to further improve in upcoming tournaments thanks to Sasquatch’s participative leadership style. The Dallas Empire team in the Call of Duty League recently made the tournament finals at the Stage IV Major and the Dallas Fuel team in the Overwatch League sit atop the regular season standings.
“Look, I’m all for eating right, but Sas is way too intense,” said Dallas Empire player and 2020 Call of Duty League MVP Anthony “Shotzzy” Cuevas-Castro. “I brought my own snacks last week and he literally chased me around the entire office with a fistful of jerky. I had to slide-cancel into the elevators just to get away. I think he’s still looking for me.”
At press time, Sasquatch was seen crashing through the glass doors of the Dallas Empire’s practice room.
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